Saturday, May 24, 2014

Stardom: A Look Into the Behavior and Fate of Stars ("Idol" by Elton John and Bernie Taupin)

Once, while reading an astronomy book, I had the hilarious realization that the same physics that explain the life and death of stars (as in our sun) explain the life and death of Hollywood stars.

All stars are balls of ego held together by the pressures of fame.  If fame was the only force at work, stars would instantly implode under the immense weight of their own names (pseudo or otherwise) and vanish within hours. The reason they don't is that the inward force of fame is balanced by the outward force of ego compressed in the stellar interior.

There is a simple relation between the pressure of a name and its fame.  When a name of fixed volume is heated up in the press, multiplied at 10 to X power in the headlines, pressure normally rises in proportion to fame.  Conversely, when the name falls, so does the pressure, but only after an intense but brief onslaught of panicked chidings from those benefiting monetarily or otherwise from the star's name-power.

The interior of the star has enormous pressure because his/her ego is so hot--millions of degrees.  The heat is produced by some unknown brain impulse.  For most of his/her lifetime, the principle reaction that powers a star is the conversion of talent and/or looks into fame by ego.  This reaction requires a very big ego to overcome the natural repulsion to so many sweaty bodies reaching out, crawling over, simply mauling the star.

Ego can sustain a star for many years, but sooner or later the fuel runs low, and the reactor starts to falter. When this happens, the self is threatened and the star begins to lose his/her long battle with identity.  A star essentially lives on borrowed time, staving off screaming, dancing half-naked women and the paparazzi by marshaling his/her reserves of ego.  But every kilowatt that flows away from the stellar surface and into the cold, deep void of fans that need, but can never be filled, serves to hasten the end.

The rate at which a star consumes ego depends sensitively on the mass of his/her name.  Bigger stars burn ego much faster--they must because their names are bigger and brighter and so radiate more energy.  The extra name-weight squeezes the ego to a higher density and temperature, increasing the ego-reaction rate.  A star with two Beatle-masses of fame, for example, will burn out in as little as four or five years.

Let us follow the fate of such a massive star.  Most stars start out composed mostly of ego mixed with some quantity of talent and/or beauty, which is fused into a name by a marketing specialist.  (The details are complicated, often relying on chance meetings, with no single representative type, and need not concern us here.)  Talent is the most common material fused into a name by the ego, but it is not the only one.  If the core generates some sort of "feel-good" optimism in the life-beaten masses (see my essay, Grandpa Is Home:  The Power of Ronald Reagan),  a massive star can generate the necessary internal ego temperatures--amounting to over a billion degrees--to fuel a world-wide, multicultural following, or a more local and intense ethnocentrism, but the returns steadily diminish. With each new fan forged, the energy release is absorbed, much like a fountain surrounded by a growing sponge.  The ego-core is burned faster and faster, until the composition of the star changes monthly, then daily, then hourly.  His/her interior resembles an onion, with the layers being the successive chemical elements being synthesized at an ever more frenetic pace.  Externally the star balloons to an enormous size, larger than that of our Pledge of Allegiance, becoming what sociologist call a red-white-and-blue supergiant.

But the end of the ego-burning chain is marked by indigestion, depression, high blood pressure, alcoholism, drug addiction, temper flare-ups, heart trouble, migraines, heartburn, sometimes even uncontrollable sex-urges and/or bowel movements.  This consumes ego, rather liberates it, so that by the time the star has synthesized a core of ego into a real name, he can lo longer produce the energy to hold up that name and the odds tip fatally in favor of the force of gravity.  The star teeters on the edge of catastrophic instability eventually toppling into his/her own ego pit.

What happens, and happens fast is this:  The star, no longer capable of producing enough energy by talent-burning, cannot support his/her own name, and the self contracts so forcefully under the weight of the name that the very atoms in the brain are crushed.  Eventually the substance of the star reaches nuclear densities, at which a thimble will accommodate his/her entire personality.  At this stage, the core of the stricken star will be typically compressed into a gallstone, and the solidity of the nuclear material will cause it to bounce.

So strong is the weight of the name on the ego, that finally there is a short titanic rebound, the famous "come-back" that lasts a few milliseconds.  As the drama unfolds in the center of the star, the surrounding layers of stellar material collapse onto the core in a sudden, calamitous convulsion.  Traveling inward at tens of thousands of kilometers per second, the trillions upon trillions tons of imploding fame encounter the rebounding highly compact ego-core, harder than a diamond wall.  What follows is a collision of staggering violence, sending a huge shock wave outward through the star and into the stunned masses:  so and so put a gun against his head, took a needle, now she's dead.

Accompanying the shock wave is a tremendous pulse--a buzz, the silent explosion of words on computers, the arranging and rearranging of text, stories borrowed, improvised, stolen, presses running one billion papers per second, talking heads rattling off theories, personal impressions, tributes, even long, dangling odes--and then finally the transformation: the star effectively becomes a giant ball of other peoples impressions, fifteen hundred books by "close friends" who know him/her like no other.  Together the shock wave of social media and the presses transport a vast quantity of energy outward through the masses. Absorbing much of this energy, the masses explode in a nuclear holocaust of excitement and fury.

For a few weeks, months or years, the star shines with the intensity of ten billion suns, one hundred thousand times the intensity of when he/she was alive, only to fade away into the biography sections of the better libraries one or two years or decades later.

© Steve Brown 2014  



    

Thursday, May 22, 2014

All That Has Dark Sound Has Duende: Federico Lorca Garcia, Bobby Byrd, Lloyd Brown, Roy Orbison, Ronnie Milsap, Openness & Sustainability

Photo: When The Clock Stops, This Will Be Timeless, wood, pastel, acrylic, clock and lettering, 14 x 15 3/8 x 1 3/4 inches, 1997. This came from seeing scenic scenes as backdrops for many clocks in places like K-mart. I thought it would be cool to do something from the everyday as a clock. I noticed that these kind of clocks seldom kept the time. Once the batteries wasted away, they never seemed to be replaced. The parked car at Terrace Park, Richardson, Texas is now frozen in time.
When The Clock Stops, This Will Be Timeless
wood, pastel, acrylic, clock and lettering, 14 x 15 3/8 x 1 3/4 inches, 1997 by Lloyd Brown

Earlier, I was reading from Bobby Byrd's new book of poetry, Otherwise My Life Is Ordinary while on the can, which is fitting, as he says in "Message to Grandkids"--

Toilets are eloquent.
And speak the truth.
Remember that.

I wanted to write about his poems, how the simplest of language and images unfold miraculously beautiful like Pound's line "petals on a wet, black bough."

I was reading, "Channeling Garcia Lorca in Van Horn, Texas," which opens with a quote from Lorca:

All that has dark sound has duende
that mysterious power that everyone feels
but no philosopher can explain.

The poem then goes on to explain that "One reason to go to Van Horn is to make poems," asserting "you can't miss."  I've been to Van Horn.  I don't think I made a poem, but I wanted to.  And I do remember I made photographs--oh so beautiful photographs of the blue-black dawn, a ragged, rocky horizon and the spiky silhouette of a tree yucca.  So, maybe I made a poem of another sort.  I had to.

Why?  What is special about Van Horn?

Bobby says "The town is trying to decide if its living or dying."

Perhaps that is duende, extreme uncertainty.  I love that not only does the town not have the ambition to live or die; it can't even decide.  It has to try to decide.

There is an honesty there, an integrity.

Bobby continues--

And the trucks going east and west on I-10
Like there's always somewhere else to be
Someplace that is real like TV is real
Like Phoenix is real
Or Dallas or even the American Dream is real...

These all lack duende, that extreme uncertainty that is the integrity of existence.  It's not nihilism.  It's not even unbelief.  Perhaps it is the core of all knowing, that void that makes the concrete real.

The mall has no meaning without it.  With it, the mall becomes sacred as does the 7-ll or the car parked next to a vacant park in the sprawling suburbia of Dallas, Texas.

I once wrote a poem for Bobby's daughter, for her wedding.  Special occasions perhaps are not the place to flaunt duende.  I think I committed a social faux pas.  I use to do that a lot.  But, I came across the poem again a month or so ago and though most of what I wrote at the time doesn't hold up, "An American Poem for An American Couple" is perhaps one of my best.  I simply took a refrain, "Susie is getting married" and grafted it to news events, what was happening in my life, and possible outcomes for her future children:

Susie is getting married.
I chlorinate urinals at the mushroom factory
and scrub moss off concrete block
where boiler-water runs down the wall.

Susie is getting married.
Jurors at the Simpson trial are being denied
the chance to see Mark Fuhrman.
He is long-faced and invoking the Fifth Amendment.

Susie is getting married.
I drop by to see Melody.
She accidentally ironed her elbow
and took the skin off the back of her legs
while shaving.

What I was trying to describe then but didn't have a name for is that life is meaningful specifically because of duende--that dark void at the center of all knowing.

Susie is getting married.
The center shrinks.

Packwood's resignation
is only one of the changes
that could produce a sharply different Senate:

more partisan, more polarized.

Susie is getting married.
I read love letters to Hitler
while eating a cheese sandwich.

"My dear, sugar-sweet Adolf,"
writes a German woman in 39,
"I look at your pictures constantly
and give them a kiss!"

Oh the extremes we go to in order to fill that void.  We build Phoenix.  We build Dallas.  Chrome.  Glass. Palms.  Swimming pools.  McMansions.  We write love letters to Hitler.  We become addicted to alcohol. We become addicted to porn.  We can't decide whether we want to live or die.

This is where I got myself in trouble.  I crashed a wedding with an inappropriate date, Duende, open to all possibilities.

Susie is getting married.
Man has sex with corpse.
Raleigh.  John Bill Whitehead,
former funeral home employee.

In my enthusiasm to be open, I even imagined two scenarios for Susie's future children--ones as strong and moral as Susie and ones in opposition to those dreams:

Susie is getting married
Some day there could be kids,
statistically, 2.5 are possible.
Maybe a boy, maybe a girl.
Maybe he wants to run The World Bank,
maybe he wants a pregnant pink Chevy on hydraulics,
painted WIRED ON WEED, OH BABY!

And maybe the daughter--she wants to run UNISEF,
then again, maybe she wants a cute little uniform
and pom-poms--DEFENSE!  DEFENSE!
Maybe she can even be found in the frozen vegetable section...

I go on to describe a woman much like Joy on My Name is Earl who can "be found in the frozen vegetable section" bending over for the viewing pleasure of the stock boy.

I don't know how I thought such a present could be appropriate for a wedding.  It's funny now.  But although my life was a mess, I did get some substantial truths that most don't, namely that life is messy. The void is huge and we drive ourselves crazy trying to fill it.  Most fail.

Christ got that.  It was his main message.  Be kind, be open.  Some of you will get through beautifully.  You may run The World Bank, you may head UNISEF.  But it's hard out there.  Be kind to those that fail. Duende is all around.

Philosophers may have failed to name it.  But I think perhaps my mother did what they couldn't:

Once she said, "I think the loneliness we all feel is the desire to return to our Heavenly Father."

I think perhaps she is right.

Duende perhaps is nothing more than being homesick for whatever existed before we shot out into this cold, bright all-too concrete world.

When I'm at my best, I long for what, according to P.M.H. Atwater, most people with near-death experiences witness--one God, one people, one family, one existence, one law--Love, one commandment--Service, one solution--Forgiveness.

Bobby, Susie, Eddie, a late sorry--sort-of.  Sorry I didn't have better social skills back then.  Hymns to the Silence was probably a far better choice for a wedding present.

But though I was probably drunk and despising life the night before (as I often was), I was clearly at my best when I wrote "An American Poem for an American Couple."  At the moment I wrote it, I clearly understood duende.

How could I not?  I learned from the best.  Thanks Bobby for being my mentor.  I could have lived just fine, I think, had you never come directly into my life, even as much as that has meant.  But if your poems had never somehow found there way to me that would be quite another thing.

Words do change people's lives.

Here's to duende.

Here's to that soft, dark openness.

Here's to Christ.  Here's to Buddha.

Lorca.

Byrd.

My brother, Lloyd.

As I have been writing this, Marci has been playing Roy Orbison and Ronnie Milsap.

Here's to them too--for duende in all forms.

And here's to Marci--

my lover, my friend, my new beginning--
joy all the more real because duende is hiding in the shadows.
















Saturday, May 17, 2014

Outdoor Kitchen, Deck and Pond (Part I)

Completion of phase 1 of the outdoor kitchen (roof & snack bar still to come).

Where to start?  The need:  Marci wanted an outdoor kitchen--a place to cook and can in the summer without heating up the house; we had a backyard patio area (sort of) in need of shade, but because of where our septic tank is located, I felt planting trees was not advisable; also, my mom gave us a six-burner grill to use.

I decided I could build a structure that would allow for heavy outdoor cooking, provide shade for the patio, and showcase the grill.  But, I'm not much of a builder, and so it had to be easy.  And we live on a tight budget, so it had to be inexpensive.

Things, of course, are never that easy.  My vision of an outdoor kitchen and Marci's vision didn't match, and probably still don't.  She also worried about putting the structure where we eventually want to add on a sun room.  Because of this, I also wanted it sturdy, but portable.


First, I cemented four 4" x 4" posts into the ground to create a rectangle 10 feet long and 4 feet wide.  Then I placed two twelve-foot 2"x4" beams across the top with a foot overhang on both ends, so that I'd have space to hang planters.

Next, I laid material down on the ground to block out weeds and built a frame cantilevered out from the 4"x4" posts.  As I used pine to cut down on costs, this was important, so that the wood would not touch the soil and rot.  It also made it so the structure can be disassembled in the future and moved as only the four posts are attached to the ground.  Everything else floats above it.

Laying down the first boards of the deck around an existing post and rail.

Then, it was just a matter of filling in the deck.  I had the log-rail of a pre-existing structure that I could have cut and moved back out of the way, but from the beginning, I decided I want the gardens at Dry Creek to grow like a poem--an energy, a creative dialogue between what already exists and what comes next, line upon line, rather than starting from scratch.  So, I left the rail, built around it, and it will become part of the bar counter.   I also placed a big, glazed flower pot with an aspen in it, so that I'd have green up higher.  I'll probably have to transplant the aspen and plant a new one every four to five years.

The floating cantilevered front.

The cantilever from the front.  The glazed pot sits above what will be the head-waters of a small fountain and pond.
Walk-way garden.  Notice the stone border between the soil and deck.
Marci worries about small children and uneven surfaces, which is not always good for my garden plans, but probably very beneficial to nephews, nieces and future grandchildren, so she wanted the deck to be almost flush with the ground on the sides.   I was okay with that--did I have a choice!--as long as I could keep the cantilever at the front.  However, it did create a new problem.  Part of the purpose of the cantilever design was to lift the wood up off the soil.  Now, she wanted the soil raised up to patio level.  At first, I was going to wrap the 2"x4" support beams in plastic, but I was afraid condensation between the board and plastic might create mold.  So, instead, I decided to use river rock to separate the board from the soil.  The water will still get the wood wet, but hopefully, it will dry quick enough to prevent rot.

Garden stripe within the deck--waiting for more empty cans.

One of the things I want to do is play with patterns and overlap spaces.  Here, I left out one the 2"x4" deck boards so that I could bring the garden into the deck.  Again, I worried about introducing soil to the wood and creating opportunities for rot.  So, I took soup cans, punctured drain holes in the bottoms, and screwred them into the deck.  I'll finish them off with 2"x2" molding so the cans are completely hidden.

Posts for bar counter and plastic for gravel eating-area.
Next I put in a couple of log posts for the bar (to match the pre-exist post and rail) and laid down the plastic in the eating area which would be graveled over.  If you live in a rural area, farmers have great quantities of plastic with which they cover silage.  Using this instead of purchasing plastic from the garden center helps the farmer, saves you lots of money, and is better for the environment.  It usually has a few holes in it, which allows a few weeds to take root, but it is far sturdier than what you would purchase from the garden center and lasts forever.

Pond in leach-line sink hole.
The pond I built in a sink hole from the leach line.  Again, I like working with the history of the yard.  It would have been easy enough to fill in this "blemish," but I chose to accent it.  I tied it into the deck, by creating a spring under the cantilever to feed the pond.

Freshly graveled eating area.
Next, I covered the eating-area in gravel and edged it with river-rock.  Gravel is sort of an unnatural rock color outside stream beds--too light for what is normally encountered in nature.  So, I mixed in cinders to neutralize the color.  However, I would never purchase cinder rocks for landscaping.  I've seen too many cinder cones decimated by mining.  My stepfather had graveled some of his yard with cinders and my brother was taking it out, so I used what was on the property.  If this option was not available, I would have purchased a light brown gravel.  In any case, avoid road gravel if at all possible when landscaping unless you are creating a stream bed.  That is the only place it will look natural.

Path to eating area

Stepping stone and ground-cover pathway to the eating area.  I use leaves and small twigs to hold moisture and prevent the cat from digging up young plants in the early stages.  By the time the ground cover takes over, the leaves will rot.

Hanging garden with old window frames.

I still love my hanging garden with window-frames--the first garden structure I built.  It ties in well with what remains of the old barn yard.  Together with the new outdoor kitchen, it creates a wonderful outdoor room, that feels both enclosed and open at the same time.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

I Think I Will Mildew my Day Away (A Rainy Day Poem & Paul McCartney's "Uncle Albert")

The back patio at Dry Creek.

I think I will mildew my day away,
mold, rot, grow fern & fungi out the side
of my ambitions.

Not much choice anyway.
Dry Creek caught in a coastal rain--
though the coast be a day away.

I know rain like my father's death.

The drip off the eaves
of his back porch
as I followed him out
to the damp garage--

the deep smell of motor oil forever
mixed with a long goodbye--

trips planned, then cancelled
around the storms raging
inside his body.

It rained too
the day after the funeral.

I took the long way home.
I had to.
I needed bleak, black coastlines
thrust from the spray of the Pacific
and spewed in piles of black rock
below 101,

meadows water-logged,
elk water-logged,
coats like Spanish moss,
rivers swollen gray.

I sped through towns,
even quaint ones,
like Brandon by the Sea,
wanting only the raw

landscape to hold back
ocean-grief.

If I was going to lose it,
I'd lose it under a redwood giant
& I did.

There amid the spongy
quiet that exists nowhere
else, I let out a great scream
instantly digested
by the heap
of life and rot
beneath
me

as the sun
filtered
down
through lacy
fingers
oh so gently.

The video, "A Rainy Day & Paul McCartney's 'Uncle Albert Admiral Halsey'" will be forth-coming.  At this point, I'm a much better poet and the video still needs work--lots of it.